"The laughter and the tears - the shadows of misty yesteryears. The good times and the bad you've seen and all the others in between. Remember, do you remember the times of your life?" - Paul Anka (b.1941) "Times of Your Life" (1976 - Peaked at #7 on Billboard's Hot 100 in February '76, and was first used in Kodak's Ad Campaign in 1975 which prompted the full recording and release)
By the time I write this Blog, the 5th Anniversary of my Brother Joe's death will have already passed (based on the hour of death: 4:30AM 10/18/2005). This passage is dedicated to him and my memories of Joe (Jon, as we knew him within our immediate family).
Joseph Jonathan Cook III was born on June 28, 1945, as the War in the Pacific was about to end just a short two months later. He was the 2nd child of my parents, Joseph Jonathan Cook II and Kathleen Elizabeth Ford Cook, and the first-born son. Also there to greet his arrival was my oldest sister, Joan Kay Cook Peterson (b.1944). Jon was a feisty and ornery kid, as the photos at my childhood home in Corning (where Mom STILL lives) indicate. He was either shirtless or dirty or both; he never met a mud hole he didn't like! As a BSA Leader for the past 21 years, I was proud to see photos of him in his Cub Scout Uniform saluting the photographer as Mom was the Den Mother (as she was for me years later). Even though Jon never earned the rank of Eagle Scout, he was still an Eagle at heart, as I eulogized him at his Funeral on October 21, 2005. He helped welcome Jane Ann Cook Okasaki on October 9, 1947, James Rae Cook on November 12, 1949 (passed away from Leukemia on April 24, 1975), and me on August 13, 1958. My brothers and sisters were especially protective of me as Mom had a miscarriage in her 4th month of pregnancy in 1957, and she and Dad desperately wanted to have another chance and planned me "thoroughly." When I was diagnosed with Crib Pneumonia in February 1960 (and should have died as this was a lethal disease that claimed many children in the Nation under the age of two), all 4 of by Brothers and Sisters kept the vigil along with my Dad (then in his last year of his 4-year term as Mayor of Corning) and Mom. I pulled through after being in a coma for 11 days, but not without complications (severe Asthma until 21 and Allergies that I still have, and discolored teeth later in my childhood due to the sulfide meds that were given to me to save my life - I consider it a necessary risk as my teeth came in with 3 different shades from white to gray, but I'm now 52 and still kicking!). In 1966, he helped us welcome Joseph Darwin Reeves Cook from the Christian Home in Council Bluffs (died in January 2005), and on March 15, 1968, he helped welcome Joseph Darwin's little brother, Jeffrey Dennis Reeves Cook "Jedd" to out family. My parents adopted both boys that had come from a troubled family.
Jon was a tremendous athlete, and probably the best in the family. A three-sport star, he made his mark in Football, Basketball (he was 6' 3 1/2" - as opposed to my 5' 7" attributed to the meds that I took in Feb. 1960 that stunted my growth) and Track, and was selected honorable mention All-State Football Player by the Des Moines Register as a Punter. Recruited by the University of Iowa to be the First Team Punter his Sophomore Year, he was a Star player for the Freshman Team (Freshmen could not play Varsity back then - NCAA Rules), but he still lettered for U of I in fall 1963 (he graduated from HS in May 1963). Unfortunately, he was not disciplined in his studies, and he was done after the first semester, never to return.
From then, a series of setbacks really hit Jon. He married his first wife on August 15, 1965, and that was a tumultuous relationship from the get-go. He did have two sons, Joseph Jonathan Cook IV in 1966 and Jason in 1971, but the marriage ended in a terrible divorce in 1972, and Jonnie's (JJC IV) name was legally changed when his ex-wife remarried. After hitting rock bottom for a while, he met Mary Peterson, and their love blossomed. They were married in December 1976 right after their first child was stillborn. Determined to have children, James Rae Cook II (J.R. as we know him) was born on April 28, 1979, and the family began! The family was blessed with two more children: Veronica Suzette in 1987 and Monique Danielle in 1990, and Jon couldn't have been happier. He had his own Contracting Business, and was thriving. He and Mary even bought a 110 year old house in Nodaway, IA, and completely restored the inside, making it an absolute showplace that would make anyone envious. That took 3 years of work, but it was worth it (later, they added a 2000 sq foot addition on the north side of the house, that was finished by friends the weekend before he passed away).
Jon overcame obstacles that no one should have to. In 1976, he battled Alcoholism (a family trait which is why I never took up drinking in the first place), and in 1999, he battled a Gambling Addiction. He overcame both, but smoking was his weakness. A 3 and a half pack-a-day smoker (like my Dad before him - both for 42 years, but Dad stopped in 1978 when Emphysema began settling in), he could never drop the habit. In March 2005, after having a persistent cough for months, he finally decided to have it checked out. Joe (he changed from "Jon" to "Joe" to all of us after Dad passed away on May 18, 2002), found out that there was a mass in his lower left lung, along with spots on his liver. His first Doctor gave him a death sentence, but a second Doctor's opinion gave him hope, and on May 9, 2005, surgeons removed the lower lobe of his left lung, but chose to ignore the spots on the liver. He was declared "Cancer-free" on June 30, 2005 (he could only endure one round of radiation and chemo, and lost his hair), and he proceeded to begin working again. Within 6 weeks, the pain in his hips was a "20" out of a scale of 1 to 10, and even though he attributed that to wearing his tool belt again, he finally relented and went back to Jenny Edmondson Hospital in Council Bluffs. On the Friday of Labor Day Weekend, he was declared "Terminal" with Stage 4 Cancer, as the cancer had spread to his Pelvic Bone, his liver was 17 times larger than normal (remember the spots on the liver that were not checked), and the cancerous tumor was wrapped around his spinal column - imagine the pain he endured.
Our last family get together (all 5 of us except for Jeffrey Dennis "Jedd", whom we didn't have contact info on back then) was on September 18, 2005. By that time, he had lost over 100 pounds and was reduced to "skin and bone." I try not to focus on the image burned in my mind from that day; rather I focus on the healthy Joe that we all knew before - the one with the incredible work ethic and a million jokes! Exactly one month later, at 6AM on October 18th, I received the dreaded phone call from Jane (she had been by his and Mary's side for 3 weeks, as she was with Mom when Dad's illness progressed to the point of no return). My life changed that day, and again, my Mom was faced with the grim reality of having to out-live another son. No parent should ever have to outlive his or her children, and Mom had to experience this 3 times since 1975. That's the exact reason why I chose to change my lifestyle on July 14th of this year and take better care of myself (71 pounds lost and healthier than I ever was in High School 35 years ago), because I made a solemn pledge to Mom that she WOULD NOT outlive me. Jedd and I are all the boys she has left, and I worry about Jedd as Diabetes and Heart Disease runs in the Reeves bloodline, and he has both - and they're severe cases.
To J.R., Veronica, and Monique - you had the best Dad in the world. Yes, he had his faults and weaknesses (don't we all), but within his chest cavity was a heart of gold; someone who would literally take the shirt of his back if it could help someone else in the process. In my left pocket (the pocket closest to my heart), I carry two coins that he received and earned through the 12-step process of Alcoholic's Anonymous that he earned in 1975 and 1976, and this serves as a lasting memory of his battle and successful outcome. My Dad was also a recovering Alcoholic, but sober since 1951. Joe was sober since 1975. Life wasn't easy for him, but you couldn't tell it by talking with him. Only his family and closest friends knew the truth. He gave me the strength and courage to persevere, and he is one of the main motivations behind my fitness and weight-loss regimen, for I do not wish to be buried before Mom passes.
Joe, I miss your smile, your laugh, your jokes, and your camaraderie. We talked often on the phone, and I'll never forget the 5-hour conversation you and I had privately in your kitchen on March 26, 2005, when you broke the news of your Lung Cancer to me. I'll also fondly remember the time when you, J.R., Veronica and Monique attended the Northwest Missouri State University playoff game against Indiana University of Pennsylvania in late November 1999 as the Bearcats were on their way to their 2nd consecutive D2 Championship (J.R. was a Junior at NWMSU and a member of Delta Sigma Phi - a legacy - in which I am an Honorary Member, having been a Social Affiliate from 1978-1980 after transferring from Simpson and granted Honorary Membership by DSP National in April 1980 - my FULL membership is with Sigma Alpha Epsilon, the Fraternity I support). We were in the north end just pass the goal posts, and it was COLD - but well worth it. If only we could do that together one more time . . .
I love you Bro' - and I miss you so much. God Bless You, and please give my love to Dad and Brother Jim, as well as Grandpa and Grandma Ford and Grandpa and Grandma Cook.
"Times of Your Life" - Paul Anka ©1976
Good morning, yesterday
You wake up and time has slipped away
And suddenly it's hard to find
The memories you left behind
Remember, do you remember
The laughter and the tears
The shadows of misty yesteryears
The good times and the bad you've seen
And all the others in between
Remember, do you remember
The times of your life (do you remember)
Reach back for the joy and the sorrow
Put them away in your mind
The mem'ries are time that you borrow
To spend when you get to tomorrow
Here comes the saddest part (comes the saddest part)
The seasons are passing one by one
So gather moments while you may
Collect the dreams you dream today
Remember, will you remember
The times of your life
Gather moments while you may
Collect the dreams you dream today
Remember, will you remember
The times of your life
Of your life
Of your life
Do you remember, baby
Do you remember the times of your life
Do you remember, baby
Do you remember the times of your life
I have thought about it . . .
Yogi: 10/18/2010 9:28AM CDT
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